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Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory. Lasts forever
Date: 2001-08-07 00:23
Subject: I just want to say one thing tonight...
Security: Public
"Right" is not meeting someone for the first time (whether or not you have talked to them for some time) and doing anything sexual with them. I was brought up that sex or anything sexual for that matter is something that should be cherished and treasured. Not something you just do for fun or just because you and the other person are consenting adults.

I'm a hypocrite yes, because in the past I have done somethings "just because" I basically wanted to get my rocks off. But I regretted in afterwards and decided that isn't the way I want to live my life.

I'm not posting this about anyone in particular (because I know lots of people that do things like this which I don't respect), but I am posting this because of something that has bothered my best friend fresh25 recently. These are my feelings and I just wanted to put that out there. I have many other things I have been wanting to write about the past couple months but just haven't been sure how to approach the subjects. Expect more soon.

I'm old fashioned, I thinking waiting is the more respectful and honorable thing to do when it comes to sex. That's just the way I feel now and the way I will feel always.

These are my thoughts about this subject. And you know what, maybe they aren't right for everyone. BUT it's very difficult to respect someone that can't respect themselves enough to think and feel this same way. Yes sex is great, but sex is best when love is involved and that is because that is the way it was meant to be.
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Life mostly un-examined.
User: dipster
Date: 2001-08-07 07:56 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I don't pretend to know what's right or wrong for anyone, I only know what's right for me.

Until recently, the thoughts I've had on this were strictly academic, having never even the remote possibility to be at that point in a relationship to have to decide what I really wanted.

But as I spend more time with Diana, I've thought about it more seriously, and I can appreciate why it can be such a difficult choice to make.

There are just so many issues going through my mind.
  • Pregnancy, which for the unprepared, would be one of those life altering events, for better or worse.

  • Commitment, because I'm in it not just for tonight, but for all the tomorrows too.

  • Respect, both for myself and for her.

  • Altruism, because I just don't want to do something that either of us may regret.

  • Selfishness, because admittedly, I do lust after her, more than anyone else I've met or otherwise.

  • Fear, or more precisely, performance anxiety.

I decided that to be loved is what I really want. Sex is just one form of expressing it. It's a choice right for me because it satisfies both my emotional needs as well as my conscience.

Even still, I am not entirely happy with that choice. To forgo intimacy means I'm not at liberty to act upon my passions for her, and to me, that seems so unfair, because above all else, I want her to be happy.
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Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory. Lasts forever
User: dangarion
Date: 2001-08-07 08:03 (UTC)
Subject: Re:
But in all honesty it will make it that much better once it actually happens. My first time might as well been in the back of a car with some girl I met at a club. I envy those who waited till they really loved someone. I envy my parents waiting till they got married (well I think they did, I should ask). I envy you for being in love :).

But that is good envy because your one of my my best friends.
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Life mostly un-examined.
User: dipster
Date: 2001-08-07 07:59 (UTC)
Subject: One more thing.
You're not hypocritical as long as you do what you say in the future. Past events are "Learning experiences" which are simply a part of who you are today.
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Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory. Lasts forever
User: dangarion
Date: 2001-08-07 08:04 (UTC)
Subject: Re: One more thing.
Yeah but I'm still a hypocrit because this is the way I have always felt and tried to live my life. :)
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Andie Pandie
User: abnrml
Date: 2001-08-07 12:55 (UTC)
Subject: Re: One more thing.
Why? Why are you a hypocrit we all do things that just doesnt mean that you are a hypocrit. Its just the decisions that you make. I dont understand why you would call yourself that.
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Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory. Lasts forever
User: dangarion
Date: 2001-08-07 13:03 (UTC)
Subject: Re: One more thing.
Because I did some stuff that I don't agree with.
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Andie Pandie
User: abnrml
Date: 2001-08-07 14:17 (UTC)
Subject: Re: One more thing.
D we all have done that we have all said we werent going to do something then went out and did it. Its called a mistake something that you werent intentional on doing its okay. It sounds like your beating yourself up and dont do that. I always said i was never going to have sex i was never going to have a baby before i was married and guess what i did so that makes me the biggest of them all.
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User: fresh25
Date: 2001-08-07 18:30 (UTC)
Subject: So tell me,...............
When are mistakes no longer considered "mistakes"? I mean, when do people actually start taking responsibility for their decisions, and stop clling them "mistakes"?

I'm not judginf anyone, and I know everyone screws up. But, it's HOW you screw up that makes the difference. You can know that it's wrong to do something beforehand, and you can tell yourself 100 times that it's wrong, and you do it anyways. Is that a "mistake"?

Getting problem #15 wrong on your math test is a mistake. Taking the wrong street somewhere is a mistake. Some things just can't be labeled with the excuse of being called a mistake. And if you make the "same" mistake more than once, well then, I don't even know what to call it..........
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Andie Pandie
User: abnrml
Date: 2001-08-07 23:27 (UTC)
Subject: Re: So tell me,...............
Your right. When you know that you are doing something wrong because you have told yourself 100 times that its wrong and you do it anyways its being selfish its not thinking straight I dont know how to explain it really. I dont even know if thats the right thing to say. You have to live life like there is no tomorrow you have to make decisions in you life and stick with it you cant be on the fence about it.

If you make a decisions not to do something and you do it anyway then dont make those kind of standards for yourself.

Making the wrong turn is a mistake doing something over and over and over again is being well i guess stupid.

I want to give an example. I am probably stupid because i keep doing the same thing over and over and over again. I keep letting my babies father take advantage of me i keep letting him play with my emotions i know that he is doing this i know that he is fucking with me but what do i do when he calls me i am right there to give him money or buy him a 275 dollar thing for his computer I know its wrong but why? why do i keep doing it I dont know I hate it I hate that i am so stupid I hate that i cant just take control of my life and just say no more. But let me tell you that I am homeless I have no home and who is there to help me definantly not the babies father he is the last one to help So guess what Its over I am not going to do it anymore.

This is my point your not going to stop doing it over and over again untill you make the decision that your going to stop your not going to change unless you decide to change its all up to you.

Yes stop whining about mistakes and take control of your life if you dont want to do it then dont but make it happen.

Im sorry I dont know if that made any sense but i felt that i needed to get that off my chest.
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Life mostly un-examined.
User: dipster
Date: 2001-08-08 07:39 (UTC)
Subject: Re: So tell me,...............
It's not a mistake if:
  • You're basing your choice on the best information at hand. Meaning, if you had the chance to do it over, you'd still make the same choice.

  • You know the risks, and decide that it's still worth it.

  • You just don't give a damn.
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Andie Pandie
User: abnrml
Date: 2001-08-08 10:17 (UTC)
Subject: Re: So tell me,...............
Right so im trying to understand that if you would do it over again then how can it be a mistake because obviously you liked it the first time and your doing it again so if you dont want to do it over again and you say I will never do that again then it was a mistake and you have learned from it so it was a lesson and you wont do it again.

Or you just dont give a damn

I totally agree

Okay I want to say something like we are all adults and we make the decisions in the best way we know how and if we make the wrong decisions then we learn from them. We should all just think about the consequences to the things we choose and never have regrets just go on with the next day and try not to do the things we have set our minds on that we dont want to do. If you dont feel comfortable with a situation that you are in you can always leave it and if your comfortable with that person then talk to them and tell then thats not what you had in mind or that you just want to be friends.

Okay thats all i guess
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Life mostly un-examined.: BigDip
User: dipster
Date: 2001-08-08 17:49 (UTC)
Subject: Re: So tell me,...............
Keyword:BigDip
Maybe this is a better example:

You're on the sidewalk and you want to cross the street. You look both ways and there's nothing around for miles.

You take a step, and WHAM! You're hit by a car!

Was it a mistake?

I don't think so, because you took a step based on the best information at hand.

Would you do anything differently next time?

Probably not, short of finding another way to cross the street, like a pedestrian bridge or personal jetpack, or a way to do your business on your side of the street and not cross at all.
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Andie Pandie
User: abnrml
Date: 2001-08-09 09:29 (UTC)
Subject: Re: So tell me,...............
Yes Great Example :)

I like the jetpack Idea and even doing your business on your side of the street.
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icelily5
User: icelily5
Date: 2001-08-07 12:23 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I don't think sex is a necessity when it comes to having a passionate relationship. I see passion as something you Feel, not necessarily something you Do.

Passion drives us to make the relationship more intimate, but that doesn't mean it has to get more intimate.

I consider sex something you do with someone you love, not because the physical act is so...orgasmic :P.. more because the physical act is something that just happens when two people feel so strongly about each other. It's part of the natural progression of a relationship.

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to have sex before marriage, and I don't shun people who have "casual sex", but it's just not something I'd ever consider doing.
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Andie Pandie
User: abnrml
Date: 2001-08-07 12:44 (UTC)
Subject: Waiting
I was raised in a very shelterd home and sex was the last thing on my mind even having a boyfriend was the last thing i thought about. But when I did get a boyfriend and yes we did have sex because I thought that we were in love and yes i did get pregnant because we were not carefull. If i could give one piece of advice it would be to WAIT. I wish I would have waited only because your right it is such a special thing and its meant for two people in love. Its great that you have decided thats not what you want I love that i havent done anything in a year and I dont miss it. Waiting till your married is great also because thats what its meant for a husband and wife.

Its even harder when you have a kid with them because once you do it you are attached to them no matter what anyone says there is an atachment there and its even harder with a baby.

If you could wait then thats great. (is that a rhyme :).

People always ask what I am looking for in a guy and I always tell them that i am looking for a Friend someone to talk to someone to respect me and my daughter and if they cant do that then they arent worth my time.

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