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Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory. Lasts forever
Date: 2001-07-08 20:20
Subject: I have a question for everyone...
Security: Public
Let's say you have a really good friend. Granted you have only known the person for 2 years but you consider them one of your best friends (disregard the fact that you dated the person, because that is now in the past). Now this friend considers you also one of their best friends and was able to finally open up with someone with the first time of their life. The friend gets bad news that another one of their best friends is very sick, but at the same time this friend (is very rich and has decided to give your friend an inheritance that will set them for life, plus some house in your local area). Your friend thinks it would be a great idea to repay you for the wonderful friendship you have by giving you a house (plus furnishings) no questions asked. Not asking for anything in return and not expecting anything in return.
What would you do?

Would you accept the house? Would you turn down your friend? Would you feel you owed them something even if you have talked about it time and time again explaining that you would owe them, although they said not to feel that way?

Would you consider this a moral or values decision?

Would accepting the offer mean you are swallowing your pride?

Does accepting a gift like this really mean you are having everything you handed to you and never earned anything you ever received (even though you have worked hard paying for everything throughout your life...)?

Please tell me your opinions and views on this because I'm looking for feedback on a possible situation in my life...

Thank you...
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Life mostly un-examined.
User: dipster
Date: 2001-07-09 08:38 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
That's quite a gift, Dan. However, if it were me, I probably would not accept it. It's just too much! And besides, what if you two get totally pissed off at each other and never speak again? Wouldn't she be kicking herself for being so generous?

Even without touching the other values or moral issues, it could be simply a matter of the numbers. Would you accept a car? and if so, what if that were a $100k car? $50k?

I think the biggest qualms I'd have is that the money is coming from another one of her friends, as an inheritance. It would be much easier to accept, I suppose, if it were lotto winnings or something.
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User: icelily5
Date: 2001-07-09 10:47 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I wouldn't accept it either. That's WAY too much. I could see this sort of "gift" biting you in the butt later on.

I don't like how it's an inheritance from another friend either. Sure it's free money, but at the same time, it's something her friend gave HER.

If it were me, I would always feel indebted to her.
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User: beddheadd
Date: 2001-07-09 10:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I was kind of confused about whose friend was whose...are you talking about 3 people or 2?

Regardless, I also think that's an extravagant gift. I don't know if you could call it a morals or a values decision, because it's not even about morals or values.

By reading your journal entry more than once (remember, I'm confused about how many friends you are talking about here; maybe I'm a California bimbo)...I think you have already made your decision. I think it's definitely tempting to take the gift, of course, because that's totally giving you a headstart. But part of you, I think, (and I totally admire this) doesn't want the friendship to be switched from something based on the wonderful intangible things that friendships are based on...to something material. In other words, I think that you don't want to shift the basis of the friendship from its purest form...to feeling like you HAVE to be friends because of this gift.

I really don't think the issue is whether or not things are being handed to you. I'm not a firm believer in FATE...but sometimes things just happen. Life happens. You make your choices, you live with them. The issue is more that you need to know if this is something you want or need, and it's definitely NOT an easy decision, of course.

For me, I think if I were questioning myself and my values/morals, and the situation, and what may/may not happen after accepting/refusing the gift...then that means the choice has already been made. :)
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February 2017