December 10th, 2004

Blue Balls


I'm not going to say anything else right now. But ARG! Why is this stuff so frustrating at times?
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Funny stuff...

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


Matt Leinart for Heisman

Yes I'm a USC Trojan fan and I'm biased, but I don't care. The other guys up for it all have good numbers.

Jason White won last year and will lose votes accordingly, even though he's had a better season. I rooted for him to win last season, the guy went through a lot to get to where he is. Two blown knees, and people saying he's a project of the system. I think he will be a solid NFL QB, but he got his trophy for his accomplishments in 2003, he didn't come back for this he came back for a National Championship (too bad it's against USC ;) ).

Peterson is a freshman, not even Faulk was able to win as a freshman or Vick. Plus White is the team leader.

Bush, doesn't touch the ball 25 times a game. If he could carry 20 a game with 5 catches he could win, especially with his return numbers. Only averaged a little over 18 touches a game, was the second leading rusher on the team. 15 total TDs. If he gets 25 touches a game including his all purpose he's probably there, and this is Leinarts team, regardless if Bush is the best athlete.

Alex Smith, he somehow got enough votes for 5. Lots of people question this.

Leinart was 6th place last season for Heisman, his numbers are better, and this is his team. It's his or Whites trophy, and because White will lose votes Leinart will win a VERY close voting. Probabably within 10-20 points. Leinart had his tough times too growing up. He was born cross eyed, had two surgeries growing up to fix that (may have to have another one in the future). While playing at Matre Dei he blew his arm out in baseball where at 16 he was throwing an 84 MPH fastball (he's a lefty). He gave up baseball to only play football, because of his arm. He is the Trojan's team leader. I'm biased but I think the voters will also see he's this years Heisman.
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