October 4th, 2003


My Dreams and Fears

I want to see you smile when I make you happy
I want to see you smile when I do something funny
I want to see you smile when I do something dumb
I want to see you upset when I make mistakes
I want to make up
I want to kiss you
I want to kiss away your tears
I want to hold you in my arms all day
I want to wake up you beside me
I want to know you will be there
I want to open my eyes and see you
I want to touch you
I want to feel you touch me
I want to kiss your forehead
I want to miss you while you're gone
I want to poke you in the tummy
I want to tickle your side
I want to stand with you in my arms as we wait in line
I want to cook you dinner
I want to cook dinner with you
I want to watch you as you sleep
I want to be the one
I want to smell you
I want to taste you
I want to cuddle
I want to talk about nothing in particular
I want to feel your body next to mine
I want you to want me
I want you to need me (yeah yeah I know it's a song!)
I want to look into your eyes and see everything
I want to see you blush
I want to watch you do something, anything
I want to grow old with you
I want to stop wanting
I want you to love me
I want you to be in love with me
I want to love you
I want to be in love with you
I want to make love to you
but most of all right now
I want you
  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely

My best friend is leaving me...

So my best friend of nearly 14 years freshtastic73 is leaving Orange County, CA. I've known Doug since I junior high but we first became friends our freshman year in high school. I'd never played baseball before other then practicing with my father till I played baseball on our high school's freshman team. I played an assortment of postions including rightfield and firstbase. But what I did most the time was catch the pitchers in the bullpen. Let's face it I sucked at baseball. When I was a freshman I had a great arm and I had some power, but I couldn't field and power is useless if you can't make contact. But for never playing before I was happy enough to make the team. I would never change a thing though because I met the guy that I'm happy to call my best friend, the guy I love like he's part of my own family, the brother I never had. It was funny going through high school we liked a lot of the same girls, Stacy, Kim, and others. Sophmore year our baseball team really sucked, so I played a lot more usually in rightfield, but I almost caught in a game once because our catcher hadn't shown up, I had the gear on and everything. Boy am I happy I didn't have to catch it would have been embarassing, nothing prepares you for catching a live game more then actually catching a live game, and I had never done it before. Our team was like 0-21 that year, but it didn't matter I was playing ball with my bestfriend. New friends were added to the ones we hung out with, Seth, Jason, Paul, Dave. But through all that the bond I've had with Doug I wouldn't give up for anything. Junior year I got my license so weekends we entertained ourselves going to Golfland and the Disneyland Hotel. We would go to the Disneyland Hotel probably atleast every other weekend. Trying to pick up chicks. Of course we never really picked up chicks that often, I can probably count the total on both my hands. It doens't matter it was fun just looking at them and just hanging. We would also take trips to Main Street Huntington Beach, as well as Balboa/Island and just walk around. I miss those days, life was more about friends and less about working for a living. Once we almost got attacked by gang bangers after a football game in Torrance we got lost on the way home and ended up in San Pedro. But we got home in one piece. Another time we went to our weekend dinner stop (Taco Bell) and my truck's horn started going off because I was doing goofy stuff with the steering wheel. It was hilarious, but I guess you had to be there.

He'd stay over some nights and we would hang out in the den at my parents house and stay up till 3 or whenever and flick baseball cards at each other. There would be thousands of cards all over the room. I think my parents are still finding them in there to this day. Soon we graduated and slowly started into the real world. College, work, moving out. But we still hung out all the time. We've been there for each other for all of our breakups and I was there for him as his best man for his wedding. The last 5 years have gone by so quick. Espeically with less time to just hang out. My work has made it difficult to hang out with my friends more then once or twice a month compared to the 1-2 times a week we were used to. But that's all a part of growing up I suppose.

Now he's moving away. To Texas. I just can't believe it. I really hoped we could have lived near each other for the rest of our lives. Had kids, watched them grow up together, and probably eventually end up like the guys from grumpy old men. But I guess I will just settle for the grumpy old men part since we act like that now (all in jest of course).

Only a couple more weeks till he moves away. It's going to be so different without him here. I've felt lonely enough since I've moved out on my own and started working these hours, I'm sure this won't make it any better. But I'm happy for him. He knows what he wants and he's going for it. I support him and his wife 100%. I can't wait to visit them next year after they hopefully have a house! Even know the smartass thinks I wouldn't visit them in Texas!

So that's one of the many things happening in my life right now. Something I'd been wanting to get off my chest but had to wait till he actually posted he was moving.

  • Current Mood
    nostalgic nostalgic